Love Sick
by Samps432
Summary: Fuji tells Tezuka his true feelings for him. Tezuka rejects Fuji but causes him to be sick in the process. Now its up to Tezuka to get the tensi well again and realize feelings of his own. eventual Fuji/Tezuka DISCONTINUED
1. Impulse and Desperation

A/N: here it is! the pair story i promised. Again, i didn't write this story, my friend catherine did. I came up with the idea and edited it.

I'm not sure when the next update will be since i don't think the second chapter is even typed up yet, but the story is all planned out and we know were we want to go with it, so please be patient and don't forget to review! they will be passed on to the writer :)

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

"talking"

_thinking_

enjoy ;)

--

A slight breeze gently swept a few strands of light brunette hair away from the young mans face as he stared out from the school's roof. To his peers he appeared to be calm and quiet with an eternal smile plastered on his face almost a hundred percent of the time (outside of tennis of course). But anyone who ever succeeded in pulling the mask away, would find cerulean eyes reflecting a sense of melancholy with a slightly furrowed brow which appeared to be concentrating on the letter in front of him.

His hand stopped and his eyes quickly scanned the letter again checking for spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. Not like it mattered, it wasn't a school assignment or anything. No, he just imagined that a certain person would appreciate a well thought out letter, clear of any and all blemishes.

The corners of the young mans lips drew up in a little smile and his turquoise eyes seemed to be far and distant; as if disconnected from the rest of the world.

Every word written was carefully contemplated and composed in an almost artistic manner. Every syllable, word and sentence had the same secret and passionate desire hidden behind it. Not unlike the authors own face and personality; veiled from prying eyes.

He wrote this letter for one reason, like one would write a letter of anger and frustration towards an individual, but never actually sends it to said person. It's writing it only for the purpose of venting bottled up emotions. He was using this very method. Only he wasn't unleashing anger or hate, quite the contrary. This was a letter composed to a person he loved, but could never have.

This would never accept his love because it certainly wasn't accepted well by most of society. The deep care he harbored towards this particular person was of the forbidden type; look all you want, but touch and be prepared to accept any and all consequences that follow.

Oh and how much he wanted to touch. Not just in an assumed sexual manner, but in ways that normal couples touched in order to express their feelings. Hand holding, arm around the waist, hugging, kiss on check, kiss on the…

The light brunette haired man let out a small, dreamy sigh; the only hint to the outside world of his genuine emotions. That would never happen. He considered himself lucky just to get handshake after a practice match or a hand on his shoulder as a small congratulatory gesture for winning a match against an opposing team.

He sometimes would purposefully brush against that special individual in the crowded halls, or let their fingers touch when passing him a pen whenever he felt his self control waver. Each and every little bit of contact resulted in an electric shock sensation shot through his entire body.

He let out a small chuckle. This was the second time in a matter of minutes he let a hint of his mood escape. This was pathetic. All he had were unrealistic daydreams, which rated from PG-13, where his crush confessing his love then kissing the tensai passionately; to NC-17, which was hot shower sex after practice, no confession, just unspoken raw emotions.

He wandered if this particular individual ever had daydreams about the person he loved. Probably…Not. That person would look down on such behavior. It's a distraction to tennis, the only love in life.

The tensai laughed. Damn-it, again, the mask was crumbling. Tennis was his crushes first and only love. This stoic person put all his time and energy into practice. Despite being ranked number one in Japan and possessing God like abilities, this stoic individual always believed there was much room for improvement.

As a certain cocky freshman would say, "Mada Mada Dane."

Maybe the prodigy's love for this person was due to their obsessive love for the game.

The stoic individual was determined and driven, never letting anything, not even an injured left arm, sway him from his goal. Going to any lengths to set an example for his team and help them improve to make it to Nationals, and ensure their underclassmen are ready to lead the team once the third years graduate. Despite the stoic façade, this person cared deeply for his friends and team.

The tensai was opposite in some ways. He played for the thrill of going up against a new and challenging opponent. He never had to work hard he was simply blessed with athletic abilities suited for tennis. He also lacked the incentive to improve and win. The cerulean eyed individual was only able to draw out his opponent's potential, and never had to get serious. He often wondered if this was his only talent. Maybe he unconsciously hoped this stoic and rather oblivious tennis player could fill in the blanks; make up for what he lacked, but longed to have.

Speaking of longing to have…

"Fuji."

A young man with hazelnut hair and brown eyes opened the door to the roof. The sunlight hit his hair revealing gold highlights which seemed to give off a bright, god-like aura which nearly caused Fuji's knees to give out.

Tezuka began to walk towards Fuji with a masculine elegance no male could ever hope to achieve, even in adult hood. Of course all these superficial qualities were acknowledged by Seigaku's female population, which was the reason the captain kept a garbage bin by his locker in order to dispose of all love letters that spilled out of his locker every morning. Fuji and the rest of the Regular's had the same problem, but it wasn't nearly as bad.

One unfortunate morning, Tezuka arrived to find his locker graffitied with hearts and streamers, all various colors of pink. His school books had hearts and messages such as "I love you Tezuka-sama!" written on every page. And every book was bombed with pink Valentine's Day confetti. Every now and again, Fuji would come across a small red heart on the floor.

All the Regulars found it hilarious when their captain came into practice with pink confetti spilling from the hems of his clothes that somehow found their way there. Tezuka of course, was livid.

That day Tezuka assigned 50 laps to anyone who annoyed him, even in the most ridiculous and miniscule of ways. Fuji could remember his captain assigning 100 laps to Echizen, simply because he didn't like the way the rookie had swung his racket on a particular shot. Needless to say, everyone spent a week trying to complete all the laps that had been ordered that day.

Fuji was brought out of his reverie when he noticed a shadow looming over him. He quickly recomposed himself and fixed his mask which was on the verge of crumbling.

"Tezuka what are you doing here?"

"I came to find you-"

_He came to find me! He cares…_

"-Kikumaru sent me."

_Of course. You would never notice my absence outside tennis practice._

"Oh I see lunch must be almost over." Fuji said numbly. He began to gather his stuff when Tezuka noticed the piece of paper in his hand he had been focused on all lunch.

"What are you writing?"

"Oh this…" Fuji felt his cheeks turn pink as he glanced down at the paper, a reproduced copy of his soul in ink, the forbidden letter that held his most inappropriate desire. "It's just an English assignment."

"English assignment?"

"We had to write an essay on the person you admire most." Fuji said, smiling up at his friend.

"Can I read it?"

"W-what?" His heart quickened.

"To check for spelling mistakes and grammatical errors."

_I've already done that!_ thought Fuji irritated.

"Uhh…" Fuji wasn't sure what happened, but in that moment cerulean eyes met deep brown, he lost all control of his body movement. He was only vaguely aware of his arm extending out to hand Tezuka the note. It was like those brown eyes were hypnotizing him with the message, _'Give me the paper now.' _And how could he refuse the guy he loves?!

The tensai leaned back slightly against the fence for support, luckily it went unnoticed by the stoic captain before him. The impact of what he had done was starting. He had actually handed over what was the equivalent of his heart to one person who could break it. He just destroyed his friendship with the one person he couldn't stand to be away from, even for a couple of hours.

Fuji could never take it back. He quickly shot a glance at Tezuka. The captain's stoic façade was still intact. Not looking perturbed at all by the inappropriate feelings revealed in this letter. The tensai's heart dropped.

He could only guess what Tezuka was thinking. Disgust. Repulsion. Hatred. How could a man love another man?

The tensai's throat burned. He knew what was about to come.

He heard the rustling of paper and almost an inaudible sigh, signaling that the stoic buchou was finished.

"Fuji." He said in a low mournful tone, "I…"

For the second time that day, he found himself lost in those brown, hawk-like eyes. All control over body movement temporarily forgotten. Looking back and later analyzing these recent memories for the thousandth time, Fuji could still not find an explanation for his actions.

Some would say the reason he handed over the letter was because he was a masochist. He wanted to feel the pain of rejection.

Others would say he was tired of keeping his feelings bottled up and just wanted a straight answer.

Tennis members would probably say he was just looking for the thrill of doing something inappropriate in their society.

Other reasons are too ridiculous for explanation…

However none of these reasons seemed to explain why Fuji lost all sense of reality and in a fit of impulse and desperation, grabbed Tezuka's face in his hands and pulled him into a passionate kiss.

Fuji pressed his lips against Tezuka's warm soft ones. He felt Tezuka's hot breath against his skin as he proceeded to nibble on the captain's lower lip and run his fingers through the tousled hazelnut hair. But it was when he licked the stoic individuals lower lip, asking for entry, he suddenly felt a strange sensation; like gravity pulling him back down to earth and crashing him into the ground. The impact of what he was doing finally dawned on him. The fuzzy, dream-like state he was in suddenly became sharp and focused as reason finally returned to the impulsive tensai.

Tezuka was not responding to the kiss. He was stiff and clearly uncomfortable. Why? Well another male was kissing him. Fuji wondered what made him think a kiss could change everything; could change Tezuka's heart. The blue eyed prodigy had to accept this was one game he could not win, even if he was finally serious. Tezuka Kunimitsu would never be his.

Fuji felt familiar masculine hands on his shoulders that pushed him away. He hung his head, not daring to even make eye contact with his captain.

Tezuka wiped his mouth and adjusted his glasses before taking a deep breath.

"Fuji. I can't do this. I'm flattered that you have… feelings… for me, but I'm sorry, I cannot return them. I-"

"NO! I'm sorry!" Fuji shouted before bowing deeply. "My actions were selfish and inappropriate. I apologize for my actions, I'm sorry they made you feel uncomfortable and understand if you are disgusted and never wish to speak to me again. Please, just… forget this ever happened!"

Fuji was breathing hard, the pace of his heart was too fast and he was trembling. He felt a lump form in his throat and he bit his lip trying to hold back tears.

It was a mistake. Everything was a mistake. He wished he could just take back everything. Losing Tezuka's friendship would kill him.

"I accept your apology. Let's not speak of this, and move on."

Tezuka walked away, leaving Fuji alone, still in a deep bow with his body trembling, and silent, mournful tears rolling down his angelic face.


	2. Sadism or Sincerity

A/N: I'm so sorry this took so long!! My friend sent it to me a while ago but school started and i didn't have time to edit the story with all the homework and cross country practice. But here it is, and there's two chapters so maybe it helps a little? maybe? hopefully the next chapter will be up much sooner then this, enjoy :)

Oh, and YIPS will come up in the story, if anyone forgot, its the condition where you're so nervous that your muscles contract and don't move. It was explained when Tezuka meets Miyuki.

Disclaimer: yeah...i don't own any of it...sadly

This chapter is what happened last chapter from Tezuka's point of view.

--

"Hoi! Tezuka!"

A cold looking teenager with tousled brunette hair and deep brown, hawk-like eyes sighed, knowing full well who was approaching him. Tezuka, who was looking over some tennis related papers, turned his head wearily to see a smiling red head looking expectedly at him. The tired captain placed his pen on table and turned to face his teammate.

"Yes Kikumaru?"

"Have you seen Fuji?" Eiji looked around as though expecting the tensai to suddenly appear from behind the bookshelves as if they were in a game of hide-and-go-seek.

Tezuka rubbed his eyes. Kikumaru interrupted his work for _this_?

"No. I assumed he was with you." Tezuka muttered as he turned in his seat to begin working again.

"Well he was, but today he said he had some work to get done and I asked 'What work?' and he's like…"

Tezuka at that point blocked out Kikumaru's voice. His teammate's high energy and long stories often made him tired. The Seigaku captain was a straight forward man who just wanted straight forward answers.

"… so now he's gone and I can't find him anywhere!" Eiji finished panting slightly having announced this all in one breath.

"Well lunch is almost over, I'm sure Fuji will show up in time for class."

"But what if he was kidnapped by an opposing team!? Or got locked in a storage room?! Or…" Eiji's imagination got the better of him as he predicted impossible scenario's that could explain Fuji's mysterious absence.

Tezuka began to gather papers and get ready for his next class.

"…and got sucked into a giant wormhole…"

"Kikumaru!"

Eiji stopped and blinked in surprise. Tezuka stood up.

"Kikumaru, Fuji will be back in time for class." Tezuka said with the obvious sense of finality as he walked out of the library, mourning the time he just lost.

"Could you please just go find him?!" Kikumaru ask exasperated.

"No, I'll be late."

"Yeah, but sensei won't get mad at you if you or Fuji are late. I'll get detention and miss practice!"

Tezuka sighed and pushed up the bridge of his glasses. He clearly was not going to get out of this.

"Fine. I'll find Fuji."

"Yay buchou nya!"

"20 laps."

"Ehhh what?!"

"I'm about to be late to class because of you."

--------------------------

Tezuka already had some idea as to where Fuji might be. Three years of friendship had taught him that Fuji would probably be somewhere no one could easily find him, and most likely outdoors with a nice view. Tezuka gripped the handle of the metal door that led to the roof and pushed it open, only to be blinded by the sun.

He squinted, and saw through the brightness of the sun Fuji's familiar, feminine outline. The tensai appeared to be reading over a piece of paper and smiling. Genuinely smiling. Tezuka couldn't help but be annoyed because he simply could. not. read. Fuji.

Tezuka Kunimitsu is a tennis player. Part of playing tennis is being able to read your opponent. Possessing the ability to analyze and understand facial and body movement, then predict their next move, proved to be a huge advantage in a match. Inui and Momoshiro have appeared to be especially skilled at it. Tennis players in general learn to not only read their opponents, but the people in their daily lives. Tezuka could generally guess quite accurately the emotions and later actions of an individual.

However, Tezuka, ranked number one in Japan, could not read Fuji Syuusuke.

For the three years he has known the prodigy, Fuji has never revealed his true self and has never shown his real strength on the tennis court. The latter was due to the fact Fuji never needed to use his real strength. There appeared to be no opponent thus far that could drag it out of him. However the latter doesn't bother Tezuka as much as the former.

Fuji wears a mask with a friendly smile and perpetually closed eyes. It was worn during school, tennis practice, even among close friends… The Seigaku captain who was so accustomed to being able to figure out anybody was deeply bothered by Fuji's mysterious nature. What was Fuji hiding? And why did the tensai feel the need to shield his emotions?

Though, there are times when Fuji allows people to see a glimpse of his true self; during tennis matches when the tensai reveals intense, cerulean eyes. There is a saying that eyes are the window to the soul. That eyes always give away what one is feeling or thinking. Unfortunately though, he and Fuji never had an official match. Therefore Tezuka never had the opportunity to see Fuji as an opponent. And seeing him play against someone else just wasn't the same.

There have only been two occasions in Tezuka's three years at Seigaku that he had seen beyond the mask; the secret first year match, and the match between Fuji and Echizen in the rain.

It was during his first year that the soon-to-be-known prodigy requested a match from him to be played in secret. Tezuka agreed, despite the rules against first years having matches. His curiosity as it turned out, was stronger than his need to follow the rules. He was eager to find out about this mysterious classmate, maybe too eager. For the day of their match Tezuka was injured by a senpai, an injury that would come back to haunt him later years. Determined to keep his promise and finally see Fuji's hidden abilities, he showed up.

It wasn't too far into the match when the affects of the injury began to show. Fuji noticed this and was livid.

Tezuka was grabbed roughly by the front of his shirt and came face to face with cerulean eyes, slit in rage. Those eyes, Tezuka could still remember the fury that seemed to emit from them, but mostly he remembered the sadness and disappointment that was also reflected. Anger was one thing, but disappointment… Well, admittedly he got what he wanted… in a way. He got in to see his friends' real emotions, but felt he didn't deserve it. Fuji didn't willingly reveal them to him.

Either way, it was that match that was the incentive to one of Tezuka's desires; find the real Fuji.

On the second occasion, Tezuka was on the sidelines. Someone had beaten him to it and managed to pull out more of the real Fuji than Tezuka ever could back in freshman year. Echizen Ryoma.

During that match Tezuka watched from behind the fence as the potential of these two amazing players started to come out into the open. Even though the captain knew Fuji was only toying with Echizen to discover the freshman's real strength and could end the match at any time, he felt envious. Echizen was on the receiving end of Fuji's true emotions. The one's Tezuka had been eager to see these past three years.

Tezuka's only comfort was that Fuji wasn't serious, which meant he could still be the one to force the stubborn prodigy to reveal himself.

After the match in the locker room Tezuka had asked what by now seemed to the age old question between the two.

'_Fuji where is the real you?'_

Unfortunately, the answer wasn't what Tezuka hoped for. It seemed that even the tensai himself didn't know.

Well regardless of Fuji's internal conflict, Tezuka still resolved to break the mask before he graduated Seigaku.

Tezuka walked up to the tensai whose face was still bent, reading the paper, "Fuji."

"Tezuka what are you doing here?" The tensai looked up at him expectedly.

"I came to find you. Kikumaru sent me." Tezuka could have sworn it had been a trick of the light, but for a brief moment, Fuji looked slightly let down. But before Tezuka could study his face further, the mask was back on.

"Oh I see lunch must be almost over."

Fuji knelt and began to gather his books. Tezuka's eyes traveled down to the paper which had be the cause of Fuji's genuine smile earlier. Good god, a piece of paper managed to get a step ahead of him. What was written on it that ordinary piece of notebook paper that had somehow caused the tensai to let an emotion slip?

"What are you writing?"

"Oh this… It's just an English assignment." English assignment? That didn't sound right.

"English assignment?"

"We had to write an essay on the person you admire most."

"Can I read it?" Tezuka hadn't meant to say that. It wasn't his business to know what Fuji had written for what sounded like a personal assignment. Curiosity, for the second time, had overwhelmed his personal rules.

"W-What?" Fuji seemed a bit taken aback.

"To check for spelling mistakes and grammatical errors." Tezuka said, quickly coming up with an excuse for his rudeness.

"Uhh…" Fuji handed him the piece of paper. Tezuka took it hesitantly. He didn't expect Fuji to hand it over so willingly. This scared him. Was Fuji playing some sort of sadistic prank on him? It wouldn't be out of character for the tensai to set him up. Maybe Fuji and Kikumaru lead him into some kind of trap? Kikumaru loved playing jokes as much as Fuji and the two were usually responsible for whatever went wrong during practice. Then again, maybe the stoic captain was just over analyzing the situation. It didn't look as though Fuji was playing anything, for he was leaning up against the fence examining the ground. Tezuka figuring it was safe and preceded to read the letter.

_Tezuka,_

_Since the day you and I met, I've always admired you. You're determination, your natural leadership, your obsessive need to improve yourself and strive beyond perfection. Perfection; though you aren't aware of it, you have been since the day I first saw you. It's that perfection which brought me to you. I knew you as the talented freshman in the tennis club our senpai's disliked, and somehow your presence incited me to become close to you. I got my wish and over time we grew to be teammates, rivals and close friends. However being close friends, as it turned out, wasn't enough for me. I longed to be near you, be a part of you; be more than just comrades. My admiration turned into something deeper. It was so easy, so natural, for me to fall for you. I'm in love with you, Tezuka Kunimitsu. _

_-Fuji Syuusuke_

Tezuka's eyes were glued to the word love. He suddenly felt cold and extremely aware of himself. Love? Fuji loved him? No. This couldn't be… no, this wasn't right. It was so… _wrong_. It was true that Fuji often made suggestive remarks, and when the tensai was feeling particularly sadistic, would make an advance, but Tezuka figured it was Fuji being Fuji. It never once dawned on him that it was serious. Fuji was one of his closest friends. But love? No. He couldn't… Tezuka couldn't… it was wrong!

Wait. This has to be a joke, Tezuka's brain deduced. Fuji did often make suggestive remarks; this letter was just one of his bigger pranks.

Of course! It all made sense now! He couldn't believe he didn't see it before. It was a simple matter really. All Fuji needed to do was recruit Kikumaru and get him to convince Tezuka that Fuji was missing. Tezuka, being one of Fuji's closest friends, would eventually go to the roof, find Fuji, and read the note, then the Regulars would burst through the door laughing.

He could see it happening. Kikumaru not being able to contain himself anymore would burst through the door laughing with Momoshiro right behind him. Oishi would be trying to silence Kikumaru while apologizing profusely. Momoshiro would most likely say something that would cause Kaidoh to get angry and start a fight. Someone would slip a racket into Kawamura's hand, then Inui would come in scribbling down data in his notebook, and Echizen would come in snickering and say, "Mada Mada Dane, buchou." Then Fuji would smile and say, "Saa, did you really think I was serious?"

Of course Tezuka would then assign them 100 laps before Echizen could choke on his Ponta from snickering so hard.

Tezuka turned to look at Fuji, whom he expected would be looking at him with a dangerous smile on his face, but what he saw scared him.

Fuji was not smiling. In fact he was slumped up against face. His head angled downward with his chestnut hair shrouding his eyes.

…..The letter was sincere.

_Love..._

_Fuji loved him. _Tezuka's eye's returned to the letter. He had to read it again. Somehow his brain had trouble comprehending this fact. This couldn't be right. They were friends. Lovers, was out of question. Did he even like Fuji like that?

He admitted Fuji was defiantly one of closest friends. Fuji was one of the only people who seemed to effortlessly understand him. Tezuka always felt at ease when the tensai was around. He enjoyed the comfortable silence and mutual understanding they shared. There was never a need for words between them. Though he was often annoyed with the fact that Fuji never showed his true self, which left Fuji free to read Tezuka like a book… But when it came down to it, he really did enjoyed being with the cerulean eyed boy.

But did he love him? No.

He didn't. He couldn't. It was wrong. A boy can't love another boy. Yet, somehow, Fuji carelessly side-stepped social standards and loved him.

But that didn't change the answer to the initial question. No. Tezuka only saw Fuji as his friend. Though, after reading that extremely personal confession, he didn't know if he could go back to treating Fuji the same way now that he was aware of the feelings the tensai harbored.

Now Tezuka had to find somehow to reject Fuji with further damaging their now unstable friendship. The Seigaku buchou, being a straight forward person, decided to say it in such manner. He had to tell Fuji the straight forward truth. After all, Fuji did him the respect of being honest to him, even if it was in writing. The least he could do was repay the favor.

He let his hand fall at his side before taking a deep breath.

"Fuji. I…"

He was cut off by pair of warm, soft lips, pressing up against his own. _Fuji's _lips. Every muscle in his body stiffened, and all logical thought came to an abrupt halt. All he was able of comprehending was Fuji's lips against his own, and Fuji's hand combing through his hair. He could feel his friends' hot breath against his skin and his body heat emanating through Tezuka's shirt as the tensai came closer. He was so close to Fuji he could smell the tensai's vanilla scent which seemed to further cloud his mind. The normally stoic buchou was at a loss of what to do. He kept telling his feet to move, and his arms to put some distance between them, but his body refused to listen. All he could do was stand there as Fuji assaulted his lips with his own soft ones, _really_ soft ones…

Feet! Arms! Move! This was wrong. He felt the tensai's tongue glide along his lower lip. He began to wonder if YIPS was a side affect of kissing, when Fuji suddenly stopped. Fuji didn't move he just let his lips linger on Tezuka's. This sudden stop in motion coincided with movement in Tezuka's arms.

The stoic buchou raised his arms and placed his hands on Fuji's shoulders, gently pushing him away. Fuji willingly stepped back. Tezuka wiped his mouth with the back of hand and adjusted his glasses.

"Fuji. I can't do this. I'm flattered that you have… feelings… for me, but I'm sorry, I cannot return them. I-"

"NO! I'm sorry!" Fuji shouted before bowing deeply. "My actions were selfish and inappropriate. I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable and understand if you are disgusted and never wish to speak to me again. Please, just… forget this ever happened!"

Tezuka was once again, at a loss. He didn't expect this sudden outburst. Fuji who was normally calm and serene, had impulsively shouted at him.

'_I apologize for making you feel uncomfortable' _Yes. Uncomfortable was defiantly correct.

'…_understand if you are disgusted and never wish to speak to me again.' _He didn't know if disgusted was the word for it. Yes he felt uncomfortable and defiantly taken aback, but he never felt disgusted. He was always slightly sickened at the thought of kissing another guy, but the kiss with Fuji never brought about that emotion. Probably because they were such good friends.

'_Please, just… forget this ever happened!' _Yes. That was for the best. He couldn't imagine not speaking to Fuji. Besides, not speaking would cause a lot of suspicion in the tennis club. The last thing he wanted was for Inui to investigate...

"I accept your apology. Let's not speak of this, and move on."

Tezuka then turned and walked away. As he walked through the door he unconsciously touched his lips. He could still feel the pressure of Fuji's upon his own.

Tezuka walked to his classroom trying to suppress a feeling of remorse that began to bloom inside him.


	3. Empathetic Clouds

Disclaimer: not mine

"Talking"

_Thinking_

_--  
_

Gray clouds filled the morning sky and a gentle wind disturbed the sakura petals around the young man's feet as he slowly made his way to school.

_The weather is uncannily empathetic this morning, ne? _thought the lone tensai as he stopped to gaze at the sky. Normally sparkling, cerulean eyes that were now cold and gray observed darkening clouds that threatened to pour at any time. He chuckled.

"We're both about to spill over huh?" he muttered silently as he continued the walk to school, the wind blowing in his face, stinging his pale cheeks.

It had been about a week since the confession and kiss on the roof top with Tezuka, and everyday Fuji felt more like a cloud; suppressing emotions deep inside himself until he inevitably wouldn't be able to contain them anymore. He heard a rumble from above.

_Spilling over violently, I see._

He took a deep breath and reflected on the past week.

Tezuka and he had agreed to forget about happened, but that of course was easier said than done. They both still ate lunch with the other Regulars and played practice matches, but it wasn't the same. Fuji was trying his best to act normal and make Tezuka feel comfortable. All he wanted was for things to go back to the way they were and for his friend to trust him again, but it seemed useless. The placate silence they used to share was now thick with tension.

Fuji knew that Tezuka must feel disgusted to still be friends with him. Tezuka strived for perfection and kissing another male didn't fit into his flawless world. The lonely, cerulean eyed boy knew Tezuka was only putting on a show for their peers and the Regulars. He was aware that Tezuka must feel so awkward and sickened being in his presence.

Fuji swallowed the lump that was beginning to form in his throat.

As much as Fuji wanted for their friendship to revert back to the way it was before the impromptu confession, he also wanted to… forget Tezuka.

After Tezuka's rejection, the pain was unbearable. Fuji shut himself in his room and sobbed himself to sleep. The hurt was too much for even Fuji to just suppress behind a mask. Every time he saw Tezuka he felt as though a little bit of his soul left him. The tensai felt cold and lifeless. The things in life that brought him enjoyment now brought him nothing. His friends, tennis, photography, teasing Yuuta; he felt nothing. He felt indifferent towards everything. What brought him real happiness was being Tezuka's friend, but now he barely had that.

_So what was the point of being happy anymore?_

After he drained his tears, he made a silent vow that would never let himself get hurt again. That he would never make himself vulnerable by caring for anyone beyond friendship. That he would never allow his heart and emotions to be controlled by anyone person other than himself.

Fuji blinked back the tears that threatened to spill.

That's right. He would never let himself be vulnerable. He would build a thick wall around his heart and never let anyone, especially Tezuka, invade it.

_Not like he ever would_… thought Fuji bitterly.

Fuji suddenly heard the sound of greetings and 'good mornings'. He looked up and realized he was already at Seigaku.

_Another day at school, another day with Tezuka…_

His heart twisted in agony as he quickly applied his smiling mask and headed into the school.

- - - - - - - - - -

As the tensai headed towards his classroom, he couldn't help but become aware of all the couples in the hallway. Some where holding hands, others kissing and looking lovingly at each other.

_I wonder when that'll happen to me,_ he thought wistfully as walked into his classroom where he heard a familiar voice shout his name enthusiastically.

"Hoi Hoi! Fujiko!" Fuji felt familiar arms wrap around his shoulders in a tight and friendly hug.

"Ah, Eiji." Fuji flashed him a warm smile.

"Oi, Fuji, are you feeling okay?"

"Huh?" Fuji felt his stomach plummet, especially when he saw the genuinely worried expression on Eiji's face.

"Well it's just… you've been looking so pale lately. And you always seem tired. Are you sick?" Eiji pondered this thought for a minute before shouting enthusiastically, "Wai! Fujiko! If you're sick you shouldn't be going to practice! You should be in a warm bed with soup and a big bear to hug!"

Fuji smiled a little at his friend's quick change in personality. He was thankful Eiji was so innocent.

"Fuji! You know what buchou says," Eiji scrunched his face up in a serious manner and crossed his arms, "'Yudan sezu ni ikou'" (Don't let your guard down.) "Buchou would angry if you showed up at practice sick."

Fuji felt his heart writhe in pain at the mention of Tezuka.

"Ah, Eiji. Its okay, I'm not sick. I think I've just been studying too hard lately and haven't been getting enough sleep." Fuji gave his friend a reassuring smile.

Eiji studied Fuji's face before smiling back.

"Okay nya! Maybe today you should take a break from studying. Wai! You should go get ice cream! I was gonna have Oishi take me to get this new ice cream today and…"

The tensai knew all too well one of Eiji's infamous rants was coming on, so he tuned his friend out for a minute to think.

It slightly disturbed him how perceptive Eiji was today. He actually noticed the tensai's waning health. He thought he was doing a good job of hiding it from everyone. Honestly he expected Inui or Oishi, hell even Ryoma to point this out to him, but Eiji never crossed his mind. Maybe he took Eiji's naiveté for granted.

He didn't exactly lie to Eiji. It's true he wasn't getting enough sleep, but studying wasn't the cause. He couldn't sleep because he couldn't get a certain stoic buchou out of his head. All he could see in his head was Tezuka's apathetic façade, and all he could feel was Tezuka's hands on his shoulders pushing him away.

Pushing him away… Causing this mind numbing pain…

Then there was Fuji's internal conflict between being Tezuka's friend and cutting him out altogether. He knew the former would win in the end. Fuji couldn't stomach the thought of ever leaving Tezuka's side. Even if he knew Tezuka must hate him. The tensai found that he also couldn't stomach food. He didn't have the appetite to eat anything, not even wasabi sushi.

The combination of exhaustion and malnourishment made it hard keep his mask together. He knew it would only be a short time before it completely crumbled and his emotions tumbled out into the open.

He also noticed his skin had taken on a ghostly hue that was accentuated by the darkening sky outside, and he had begun to feel so weak that making it through practice was a challenge. Eventually people were going to notice and ask questions. He didn't think the Regulars would buy the "I've been studying a lot" excuse. Maybe he could sleep during class. It's not as though anyone would be able to tell…

Fuji came out of his thoughts when he noticed Eiji finishing with his rant, "… with strawberries and chocolate and whipped cream on the very top!"

"Ah, that sounds good Eiji." Fuji said covering up his lack of concentration before he turned away from his friend to gaze out the window at the gloomy sky.

_Saa, I wonder who will be the first to spill over._

- - - - - - - - -

"Saa, Eiji ready for lunch?"

"Hoi! Let's go!"

The two friends headed down to the cafeteria to meet the rest of the Regulars. Tezuka included. Fuji felt a squeeze in his chest. It was getting harder to keep his composure.

"Ah, Eiji. Fuji." Oishi waved them over.

"Hey, Iji-enpai. Uji-enpai!" Greeted Momo, mouth filled with food.

"Fsshhuuuu. Baka. Don't speak with your mouth open."

"Teme. What'd you say you damn snake?!"

Ryoma gave a withering glance to his bickering senpai before nodding to Eiji and Fuji in acknowledgment.

"Oi Ochibi! Is that how you greet your senpai?!" Eiji ran and sat next to Ryoma, smothering him in a hug.

Fuji chuckled seeing Ryoma gasp for air as Oishi tried to pull his over enthusiastic double's partner off their kouhai.

Fuji took his normal seat next to Tezuka.

"Tezuka." Fuji said quietly without looking at his captain.

"Fuji." Tezuka greeted in return. To all their friends, this little exchange of words was normal. But it pained Fuji's heart knowing Tezuka said it reluctantly.

Fuji looked down at the obento Yumiko made him. Tezuka's meaningless greeting stole his appetite.

"Ne, Momo, would you like my lunch?"

"Huh? Seriously?!" Momo looked up from his fight with Kaidoh and eyed his senpai's food with a ravenous glint in his eyes.

"Hn, I ate a large breakfast, so I'm not very hungry."

"Arigatou Fuji-senpai!" Shouted Momo, who quickly swiped away the food and stuffed half of it in his mouth.

"Hmm. Fuji. This is the fourth time this week you have given away your lunch." Noted Inui as he scribbled away in his notebook.

At that, Eiji stopped strangling Ryoma and looked up at Fuji worriedly. Fuji didn't notice this as his mind reeled, quickly trying to come up with an excuse as to why he had been giving away his food. He suddenly felt a pair of hawk-like eyes on him, waiting for his answer. His heart started pounding. He needed an excuse, and fast.

"I….uh…."

"Oi, minna, I just remembered. Fujiko and I have to go!"

"Huh?" asked Oishi surprised.

"Hn! I just remembered that Fujiko-chan and I have an English test to study for. We really should be in our classroom."

Fuji looked up at Eiji with a loss for words. Why had Eiji covered for him? He was thankful, honestly, but this was very unlike Eiji. Normally Eiji would have started lecturing him while waving food in his face.

"Fujiko is just worried about this test. He's just been so worked up about this he's been forgetting to eat properly. Don't worry, don't worry. I'm sure after this test Fuji will be back to normal!" Eiji said reassuring his friends.

Fuji risked a quick glance at Tezuka, only to be meet by hazel eyes which seemed to bore through him to his very soul. He found him lost in a world of hazel when he felt a hand pull him out of his seat and away from the table.

"Don't worry! I'll make sure Fujiko eats. Even if I have to force it down his throat nya!" shouted Eiji, waving goodbye to his friends.

Still in a state of shock, Fuji allowed himself to be led away by Eiji.

Tezuka's eyes. He expected those eyes to be filled with coldness and abhorrence. But those eyes looked at Fuji with genuine worry which warmed the tensai to his very core. Why had Tezuka looked at him like that? He was sure Tezuka only acknowledged him for the sake of the team. Yet the stoic buchou's eyes were filled with compassion. He was sure he saw it, but then again. It was possible that he was simply imagining things. After all, lack of nourishment and sleep could probably cause hallucinations. Yes, that made sense. Fuji simply saw what he wished was there.

_I can't believe I've gotten so emotional I'm seeing things that aren't there. What's happened to me?_

"We need to talk."

Fuji was revived from reverie and found himself in the hallway outside his classroom. He looked at Eiji and was surprised to see no smile on the red heads face. His indigo eyes were filled with seriousness and worry.

Eiji is a bit naïve. He knows that. But he's not stupid. He knows his best friend well enough to realize when something is seriously wrong. Unbeknownst to the tensai, Eiji's eyes weren't just skilled at seeing motion, but seeing past Fuji's mask. For the past week, Eiji watched his friend get paler, thinner and weaker everyday. He saw how the light disappeared from his friend's eyes the day Fuji returned to class after Eiji had sent Tezuka to find him. Since their first year, Eiji watched as Fuji's admiration and respect for their captain become something more than Eiji could ever really comprehend.

He probably knew long before the tensai, that Fuji loved Tezuka.

Eiji wasn't a genius like Inui, but it was pretty easy to guess what might have happened to Fuji. The red head partially blamed himself for Fuji's unhappiness. The only reason he had sent Tezuka in the first place, was because he thought it would be nice for his friend to have some time alone with the person he loves. He did it as an act of friendship. He never expected Fuji to return with his cerulean eyes dimmed and gray.

"About what?"

"About you and Tezuka." Fuji's eyes burst open. _How… How did Eiji…?_

"Ever since you came down from the rooftop a week ago you haven't been acting normal. You're looking paler everyday, you struggle in practice, and you don't even eat! There's a lot of tension between you and buchou. I know you've been trying to hide it, but why did you try to hide it from me? Aren't I your best friend?"

Fuji was at a loss for words. He felt tears coming to the surface. Eiji completely saw through him. Not only that, but he had taken Eiji's friendship for granted.

Eiji saw Fuji struggling for words.

"Fuji," he smiled gently, "Maybe it would help if you told me what happened. Did you confess to buchou?"

Fuji felt hot liquid streaming down his face. He unconsciously raised his hand to his face and wiped it away.

_I'm crying? Looks like the clouds could hold on longer then I could...  
_

All Fuji could do was nod his head when he felt a warm body press up against his own.

"It's okay Fujiko-chan. That's enough. Tezuka is such a dense idiot. Everything will be okay."

Fuji hid his face in the crock of Eiji's neck; willing his tears to go away.

Ok, maybe Eiji knowing would be fine. He wouldn't let him know the details though. More like he _couldn't_ let him know the details. Fuji was unable to put what happened into a coherent sentence without completely breaking down.

Having at least one friend know was enough help Fuji keep his emotions in check for a little bit longer. It was enough knowing once he did finally break down he'd have someone there to understand.

Eiji's support lifted Fuji a little. But unfortunately it wasn't enough to ignite life into the empty shell the tensai had become.

Yeah, Eiji knew that too.


	4. Realization

A/N: .....this took so long to put up im not even sure theres anything i can say lol but this time it wasnt my fault!! my friend whose writing the story didnt send it to me until today, she kept forgetting or was really busy. Anyway, here it is, chapter 4, chapter 5 should be up tomorrow or so if Catherine doesnt forget to send it to me.

Disclaimer: so im not sure if i still have to write this or not but I dont own anything.

and since its been so long, "Talking" _Thinking_

--

A gentle wind ruffled Tezuka's naturally tousled brunette as the Seigaku buchou made his way to school. He could hear the sound of thunder looming in the distance foreshadowing a storm.

_Tennis practice may have to be canceled. I can't have the Regular's getting sick. If Fuji-_

He stopped walking. That wasn't the first time Fuji's name came to mind. In fact, since that… "incident" on the roof top, he couldn't stop thinking about the tensai. And his friends name would always come up at the most inappropriate times; in class, tennis practice, in the shower- Tezuka shook his head in hope that the thought would simply fall out of his skull.

Tezuka inwardly sighed. This was a problem.

Things between Fuji and himself were beyond awkward. During tennis practice and at school they kept up appearances as though nothing happen. There was no way they were going to let on to other Regulars that something had happened between them. And if Inui caught on… Oh, well if Inui caught on he might as well write his will out now because he'd be better off dead. Forget dreams of a Grand Slam title, the loss of his pride as Seigaku's asexual, determined, no way digressed by girls (or guys in this case), would surely send him into cardiac arrest.

So since the "incident" Fuji continued to greet him in morning, the corners of his mouth still turned upwards in his perpetual delight. He continued to stand next to him during practice, continued, as if nothing had ever happened.

And nothing did happen. They silently agreed on that.

Fuji didn't confess his love for him in a letter.

Fuji didn't take his face and slowly lower him down to his level.

And Fuji certainly didn't place those soft, pliant lips on his own-

Tezuka never wanted to bash his head into the wall so badly. He should be disgusted. Disgusted that a friend of the same gender kissed him. That a guy kissed him. That his male friend violated him by kissing him.

But he wasn't. In fact, he could still clearly feel the texture of the tensai's lips.

Now, where was the nearest building he could jump off of?

Tezuka glanced up at the grey storm clouds swirling menacingly in the distance. He knew Fuji was making an effort to make him feel comfortable. But for some reason that just increased the aching feeling in Tezuka's chest, knowing those smiles, those greetings, the conversations, all weren't real. It was just part of Fuji's default system he held a deep animosity for.

_Why does he have to shroud everything behind a mask?_

Tezuka just wanted everything to back to normal. Things weren't this complicated before the kiss. They had a simple friendship.

Or was friendship the proper way to describe it?

He had to admit their relationship had always been a bit ambiguous.

They were teammates.

They were rivals.

They were classmates.

They were friends.

They were more…?

Or were they less?

This just made things harder.

_All because of Fuji's stupid façade and that stupid kiss._

_So what do I do now?_

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

"There is an 80% chance you're thinking of Fuji."

Crap, he knew he should have written out his will. He could already feel the heart attack coming on. His heart was beating abnormally fast.

Tezuka looked up from his seat in the library to see Inui standing in front of him.

"This is a 30% increase."

What?! Was Inui saying that he thought of Fuji 50% of the time?!

"There is a 95% chance something happened between you and Fuji."

"What percent chance is there that I'll run you into the ground?"

"Ninety percent. But this will likely change before the end of our conversation."

Not a chance. He's beaten Inui's data time and time again.

"Because, I have information you want to hear."

"…"

"About Fuji's confession to you."

Oh.

Hell.

No.

"Inui…" he growled suddenly standing up from his seat in the library. Inui however looked nonplussed. If anything his grin widened as his pen went faster across the sheet of paper in that damned notebook.

"Ah, you thought that no one found out about that. However I should tell that after said incident on the rooftop it has been easier to read both you and Fuji. The changes are slight, but I can catch them."

"What changes?"

"In your interaction with each other."

No! There were no changes. He acted the same as before. There couldn't have been any changes.

"Also the changes in Fuji's health.."

"What?" Tezuka eyes widened slightly at Inui's statement. Now that caught his attention. What did he mean Fuji's health?

"As his friend and captain, you should hear this."

He slowly sat back down.

"Alright. Tell me everything."

"Well first of all, like I said, the interactions between you and Fuji are different. Your relationship seems strained and forced. It used to flow very naturally. So much so you two were often capable of communicating without words. However it seems that this connection has been severed."

His connection to Fuji? Was their friendship really that damaged?

"Now there's the matter of Fuji's health. He looks exhausted nearly everyday, indicating he does not sleep well. He has become paler and it takes more effort for him to make it through the day. Also, he has not been eating at lunch. He either disposes of it or gives it away. Therefore he is both malnourished and suffering from severe exhaustion."

Tezuka felt his stomach wrench and the aching in his chest became painful.

"And what would you say is the cause of Fuji's suffering health?" Tezuka asked.

At that, Inui frowned and shut his notebook.

"I think you know the answer to that, Tezuka."

He was the cause of Fuji's pain. He knew his rejection would hurt Fuji, but he didn't think it would affect the tensai this badly. Fuji, the individual who could be swayed by none, for he never let anyone inside.

Tezuka always wanted to be the one to finally break Fuji's mask. To finally get inside this tensai's mind. But this wasn't how he wanted to go about it.

"Tezuka…"

The pondering buchou looked up at Inui who was gazing solemnly down at him.

"Now is the time to ask yourself, what does Fuji mean to you?"

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Tezuka stared down at his food, only vaguely registering Momo and Kaidoh's attempt to strangle each other.

He hurt Fuji.

"Oi mamushi! What the hell did you just say to me?!"

He was the cause of Fuji's pain.

"I called you a stupid peach head you "DON" idiot!"

He was the reason Fuji's mask was crumbling.

"You damn hissing creature!"

How could he make things right again?

Tezuka deftly tilted his head to the side as a piece of mango flew past his ear.

It seemed like everything he had been doing since the rooftop was wrong.

"Shut up you damn porcupine head!"

And, what did Fuji mean to him?

"Ah, Eiji. Fuji." Oishi waved them over.

Tezuka's heart nearly stopped as he looked up to see Eiji and the tensai who had been plaguing his thoughts walking over to their table.

"Hey, Iji-enpai. Uji-enpai!" Greeted Momo, mouth filled with food.

"Fsshhuuuu. Baka. Don't speak with your mouth open."

"Teme. What'd you say you damn snake?!"

Ryoma gave a withering glance to his bickering senpai before nodding to Eiji and Fuji in acknowledgment.

"Oi Ochibi! Is that how you greet your senpai?!" Eiji ran and sat next to Ryoma, smothering him in a hug.

Fuji took his normal seat next to Tezuka.

"Tezuka." Fuji said quietly without looking at him. Tezuka frowned. He knew their greetings were only practicalities.

"Fuji." Greeted Tezuka in return. To all their friends, this little exchange of words was normal. Tezuka wished he could convey in a greeting how much he was worried about the suffering tensai. But he was never good when it came to emotions.

"Ne, Momo, would you like my lunch?"

Tezuka remembered Inui's words in the library.

"_Also, he has not been eating at lunch. He either disposes of it or gives it away."_

"Huh? Seriously?!" Momo looked up from his fight with Kaidoh and eyed his senpai's food with a ravenous glint in his eyes.

"Hn, I ate a large breakfast, so I'm not very hungry."

"Arigatou Fuji-senpai!" Shouted Momo quickly swiping away the food and stuffing half the contents in his mouth. Tezuka desperately wanted to snatch back Fuji's lunch away from that glutton and beg for Fuji to eat it.

"Hmm. Fuji, this is the fourth time this week you have given away your lunch." Noted Inui as he scribbled away in his notebook.

Tezuka knew he was trying to hint for him to notice, but he already caught on. Now, how could he subtly stuff food down Fuji's throat?

"I….uh…." Fuji started hesitantly.

"Oi, minna, I just remembered. Fujiko and I have to go!"

"Huh?" asked Oishi surprised.

"Hn! I just remembered that Fujiko-chan and I have an English test to study for. We really should be in our classroom."

Tezuka frowned. So… Eiji knew too. Did he also know about the confession?

"Fujiko is just worried about this test. He's just been so worked up about this he's been forgetting to eat properly. Don't worry, don't worry. I'm sure after this test Fuji will be back to normal!" Eiji said reassuring his friends.

Tezuka stared openly at Fuji. The tensai's once porcelain skin had taken on a ghostly, grey hue and there were evident bags under his eye. His uniform even hung off his petite frame a little. Tezuka felt ashamed for taking this long to notice his friend's health. At this point he would voluntarily feed the weak tensai, if it would help him get better. Fuji who had been looking pointedly at the ground finally noticed Tezuka's blatant staring and opened his eyes in surprise.

"Don't worry! I'll make sure Fujiko eats. Even if I have to force it down his throat nya!" shouted Eiji, waving goodbye to his friends.

Tezuka was taken aback as Fuji was unceremoniously dragged away. Fuji's eyes which were praised for being the purest of cerulean were as dark as the pre-storm sky. Tezuka could feel guilt slowly preying on his insides as a heavy weight settled on his chest. Tezuka rubbed the bridge of his nose as his head began pounding.

Had this been his doing to?

Was it his rejection that was slowly, but surely unraveling the tensai?

Tezuka was too deep in his thoughts to notice that a knowing silence had settled upon the table and six pairs of eyes were all focused upon him.


	5. AUTHOR'S NOTE

I'm sorry to anyone who thought this was going to be a new chapter. It's been a long time but I think it's finally time to admit this story will never be finished.

As mentioned in the earlier chapter, this story was not my own; I was editing and posting it for a friend. We haven't talked in a couple years and I tried to get in touch with her again just recently but it didn't work. A while ago she said she had another chapter written but I'm sure its lost now as that was several years ago.

I'm sorry it took so long for me to tell everyone the story is over. I know the feeling of reading a story you love only to realize it hasn't been updated in years with no reason why. So I figured you all deserved to know that you shouldn't hold out hope anymore, this story will not be completed; at least by my friend and I. However, that being said, if there is anyone who wished to continue the story and write their own ending or whatever, please, please feel free to do so. Anyone and everyone can continue on with this story in anyway they see fit. If you do all I ask is that you give my friend the credit for whatever part of the story you use that was hers/ours. If anyone decides to do this, feel free to PM me with any questions or anything. Also, I'd be more then happy to post a link in this chapter to any continuations of the story so others get a chance to see how the story could have gone.

Again, I am so sorry for not posting this sooner and for not continuing the story, but I thank every single person who reviewed, favorited, and/or followed the story and myself. I wish we could have finished this story for you, I am again sorry we couldn't.


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